Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
