Non-Jews are for practice
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
