He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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