dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I smell stomach acid.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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