question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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