i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
