why didn't you poke me back
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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