I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
