Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize