Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
