Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
