That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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