why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
