It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
