she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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