I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love having hate sex.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
