i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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