If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
