dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
