i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
