If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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