there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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