consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
