All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
