I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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