i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
