This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
