Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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