I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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