Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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