I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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