Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
