We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
