I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize