i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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