p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
