I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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