YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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