I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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