Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize