Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
