I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
