He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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