I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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