just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
