Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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