How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
