brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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