The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
