Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
