Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
