What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
