I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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