It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
