three words: i give head
three words: not that well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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