I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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