How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
