My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
