i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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