Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
