I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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