Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize