Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the day after is always just damage control
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
