my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What a dumb baby whore.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize