my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
