I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
