how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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