By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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